Revelation

Months passed, probably years. I held onto things like my skills, my perception and my patterns of thought that set me apart from the vermin that infest this planet… All this time clinging onto them, using them as a defense mechanism to lift myself up whenever I fell. It took me so long to build them, all my codes of conduct, the very principles that I laid my life on, all the rules I made that governed my very existence shattered, broken in a single illusionary moment that has now made me lose my purpose, my insight. I tore the very wings that made me look up to myself as a God, slowly crumbling and falling down to become something so common, losing everything that set me apart from the germs that fester this pathetic world. I failed myself. A friend told me, “Thats what I kept tellin u b4. Stick to ur promise man, if u don’t hav any worth by following it, then people around u will treat u like shit coz then u turn out to b all talk and no walk.” Even now I look for ways to mask my obscenity. Every time I faced a crisis I made myself a new mask. I put on so many faces that I barely remember which one was mine to begin with. I’m still thinking of even one thing that made me feel like a God and my mind falls into a void. Nothing is the answer. I stooped to even feeling and thinking like the common man would and now look where that got me. When I look around at the worms that surround me, they seem so far ahead. I lost everything in the moments that occurred over time, losing myself a little by little while gaining nothing more. Now I’m like a blank slate that stays still. People will walk in, paint what they want to and erase it off. My existence as it seems now is rather futile. Every inch of whatever I thought I would be has slipped away. Everything I lived by but one. The only thing that remained consistent in all the phases I endured and this my word, even if it is the last promise I’ll ever utter, I will never let it go. 

Assertion

I’m tired of people. I’m fed up of putting on a face every day to please them. I feel the darkened Earth under me turn every time I try to fit into their notion of whatever seems to be fun or happening. It’s funny how they label places, people, clothing, accessories, shoes and other things and even stoop to judging people by them. They intrude privacy with their nosy actions always wanting to know what another person is doing even though it doesn’t concern them the slightest bit. Their laughs based on illogical fantasies which they cling onto in order to demean you and call it “taking one’s case” or a gesture of humor.. even when it's not funny. It’s further disgusting when I hear them rip off one of my jokes and have a laugh about it. I hate myself for having thought like that each day. Their voices reek of foolishness while they utter nonsense and ask vague questions just to gain attention. They add accents and put words together in such a way as to seem intellectual when even they themselves know that they are full of shit. They keep clinging onto whatever helps them glorify themselves further and further away till they can frame false perceptions while their egos gloat and they believe themselves to be some kind of higher authorities once they’ve labeled themselves as “ideal”, “just” or simply “good” and then they turn around selling that very image for a profit. It’s disgusting how they form relationships based on thin air. They hang around their so called friends, family or lovers thinking that it is all that there is to life. They follow these social institutions with such dedication that when it crumbles, they crumble along with it. Once these people achieve their goals or complete a task they make it look so glamorous, perfect and make such a show of it even though the task may have been as easy as tying a shoe lace. If they fail, they blame it on others. They’ll rope you into their activities and waste your time, fill you in with their teenage bullshit and all their drugs, money and sex. I’m sick of being caught up in their strife and the tangles of whatever they call life, love and friendship. There are only a few threads that keep me connected to emotions and feelings. I do not know how long I’ll be hanging from them or what will become of me but as long as I do, I’ll never be free. Does clinging onto the things I despise make me a hypocrite?