I am sick of everything I see, everything I feel and
everything I do. I’m tired of people talking about their fucking football,
about cars which they will never own even if they won a lottery, about their
sibling rivalries, their issues back home, their better halves and how much
they love them… I’m sick of it all. I can’t even indulge in small talk anymore.
It’s like I can’t connect with anyone. And I began to think why? Why the fuck
can’t I connect with anyone?
I entered the college canteen the other day and my friends were sitting there happily ripping on some guy called Spancer (If that is how you spell his name). The guy is a reject and everyone treats him like one. He looks deformed and probably is a moron too but does that honestly, honestly give anyone the right to rip on him? Yes it does! Which is why they do it but sadly these “perfect”, “civilized”, “cool” people who rip on him fail to realize what goes through his head. I can relate. I was a reject, I was ripped on and I was lonely. Nobody knows the hell called solitude. No one knows what it is like to be on your own when the world around you comes to bite you in the ass. Where is the understanding? On one hand we have people who say violence is bad, they hold up banners, go home and beat their kids up; on the other hand we have people who’ll stand in a line behind you, yell out “don’t push” and do all the pushing themselves. Everywhere you look there are banners, posters, flyers all trying to fucking sell something, “Oh! Check us out! We have the best deal! We offer the best classes! We are No.1!” all written with egregious spelling errors, nonetheless, they are trying to sell something. I look at people in the train, all frustrated with that look on their face. It’s disgusting. The streets are extended gutters where these people throw all their filth of sex, money, drugs, violence, murder, rape, hopes, ambition, pride, ball-talks and all their hate. When all the filth accumulates and comes up to their belly, they’ll immediately raise their hands up and yell, “Lord! Save me!” They’ll soon know no one is up there. No one is listening to them. That’s when they’ll jump over each other to survive, politician and beggar alike. Everyone I’ve come across has possessed similar traits. It’s too late. I’ve seen the true face of this generation, how they function, how they behave and what they want. There were people I came across who let their friends rule their lives. Their friends literally decided whom they dated, whom they fucked, whom they would talk to or how much they should eat, what they should smoke, etc. There were people who’d pick up their better halves based on how they looked, how they dressed and how well their friends liked them. Jeez! If I wanted a status symbol, I’d buy a gold ring rather than have a pretty little moron hang around my shoulders. I saw how people kill each other for food, tobacco, women, money… It is a joke. The image that society reflects back is a joke. The face of tomorrow will be a bigger joke and the sad part is that no one else gets it. Then I realized… That’s why I am lonely, that’s why no matter how much I change or how much effort I put, I can never fit into society along with these deranged people whose worlds are limited to such a small sphere. Their lives revolve around their friends, family, their institute, their work place and that’s it. How can I ever connect with them? How can I ever be a part of their illusions? I can never be, even if I pretend, it will never last long.
It makes me sad that my life must end here all alone amidst these people and their make-belief prayers, their fake affection and all their blind assumptions.
I entered the college canteen the other day and my friends were sitting there happily ripping on some guy called Spancer (If that is how you spell his name). The guy is a reject and everyone treats him like one. He looks deformed and probably is a moron too but does that honestly, honestly give anyone the right to rip on him? Yes it does! Which is why they do it but sadly these “perfect”, “civilized”, “cool” people who rip on him fail to realize what goes through his head. I can relate. I was a reject, I was ripped on and I was lonely. Nobody knows the hell called solitude. No one knows what it is like to be on your own when the world around you comes to bite you in the ass. Where is the understanding? On one hand we have people who say violence is bad, they hold up banners, go home and beat their kids up; on the other hand we have people who’ll stand in a line behind you, yell out “don’t push” and do all the pushing themselves. Everywhere you look there are banners, posters, flyers all trying to fucking sell something, “Oh! Check us out! We have the best deal! We offer the best classes! We are No.1!” all written with egregious spelling errors, nonetheless, they are trying to sell something. I look at people in the train, all frustrated with that look on their face. It’s disgusting. The streets are extended gutters where these people throw all their filth of sex, money, drugs, violence, murder, rape, hopes, ambition, pride, ball-talks and all their hate. When all the filth accumulates and comes up to their belly, they’ll immediately raise their hands up and yell, “Lord! Save me!” They’ll soon know no one is up there. No one is listening to them. That’s when they’ll jump over each other to survive, politician and beggar alike. Everyone I’ve come across has possessed similar traits. It’s too late. I’ve seen the true face of this generation, how they function, how they behave and what they want. There were people I came across who let their friends rule their lives. Their friends literally decided whom they dated, whom they fucked, whom they would talk to or how much they should eat, what they should smoke, etc. There were people who’d pick up their better halves based on how they looked, how they dressed and how well their friends liked them. Jeez! If I wanted a status symbol, I’d buy a gold ring rather than have a pretty little moron hang around my shoulders. I saw how people kill each other for food, tobacco, women, money… It is a joke. The image that society reflects back is a joke. The face of tomorrow will be a bigger joke and the sad part is that no one else gets it. Then I realized… That’s why I am lonely, that’s why no matter how much I change or how much effort I put, I can never fit into society along with these deranged people whose worlds are limited to such a small sphere. Their lives revolve around their friends, family, their institute, their work place and that’s it. How can I ever connect with them? How can I ever be a part of their illusions? I can never be, even if I pretend, it will never last long.
It makes me sad that my life must end here all alone amidst these people and their make-belief prayers, their fake affection and all their blind assumptions.
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