I Understand!

I never really had a complete understanding of what a relationship was… not until now. Whenever I’d contemplate being in a relationship, I’d think that I would be the best boyfriend ever… that I’d take her out on dates to expensive restaurants, hold her tightly in my arms at the beach where we’d stand for longs hours and watch the waves crash to shore. If we would go out, I’d open the door for her, pull her chair out for her and in the morning, she would be the first person I would see as soon as I woke up… I always thought that we would be open about our feelings, tell each other everything and ‘be together’ in the most conventional sense possible. I had always wondered over what I’d expect of my woman. For instance, after a day at work, I’d come home late and she would cook me dinner, followed by the other mushy-mushy things that couples often do. I wasn’t too keen on stereotyping her role as a woman but then I was one of the laziest people you could ever come across. My woman would have to clean up behind me… a lot… especially when I was on a binge or from my general late night habits. I thought I had this all figured out. Then I began seeing someone.

At first, it was all butterflies, rainbows and sunshine although there were no dates at posh restaurants or long walks at the beach. Soon after that, I was introduced to compromise, heartache and this thing called pain that kept me awake for long hours at night. When she finally decided to walk through my front door, I thought it would all change. I thought I’d finally get to do all those things. Ironically, I ended up being the one who had to clean up behind her. I’d usually do the laundry. I’d cook meals for her. Then wait for her to come home or pick her up from a party when she was too drunk to even walk. I never questioned her and seldom argued with her. The relationship was a bit shaky but it seemed to work out for both of us. I trusted her with all I had. I didn’t care what she did as long as she was there beside me when I’d wake up. I’d quietly walk to the kitchen every morning, make some breakfast and serve it to her while she was still in bed. Sometimes she’d never eat as she was still hungover from last night but that was okay.

Although we had started arguing, I did love her a lot more than she could imagine. After all, she was all I had. I didn’t want to let go of the most beautiful person I had known just over some silly arguments. It wasn’t worth it. Whenever we would fight or when she seemed upset, I’d always make it up to her… sometimes with a poem and sometimes with a song. When that didn’t work, I’d take her shopping. When we were at home and she’d kiss me, I was transported to a different world where only the two of us existed. Everything else seemed to stop for that single moment. Then I’d open my eyes and look into hers and I’d be lost again. It was almost magical if not completely divine.

We had just argued and this by far was the worst and the longest argument we ever had. I stormed out of the house for work. I spent the first half of the day thinking about it, contemplating our relationship and then realizing how much I loved her. I didn’t want a dumb argument to tarnish what we shared. I left work early that day… ran over to the flower shop and picked up a bouquet of her favorite flowers. Then I picked up some assorted chocolates and all this would be followed by dinner at her favorite restaurant where I’d finally ask her to marry me. I made my way up the stairs with a smile, skipping one step after the other in order to reach faster. I opened the door to surprise her but in the end, I was the one surprised to see her on the couch in just her brassiere with my neighbor shoving his male organ halfway down her throat.

Although it broke me completely, at that moment, I kept my cool and gave my neighbor a chance to get out of my house and I let my girlfriend put on some clothes and rinse her mouth. I gave her the flowers, the chocolates and told her how much I loved her. I asked her what went wrong. She said “everything”. I agreed. Her guilt made her cry. I still didn’t feel like giving up on us but after what I had seen, I had no choice. All my efforts, all my affection, all my hopes and dreams were wasted on someone who didn’t deserve them in the first place. I told her she could stay till she found a new place and a job. I even went through the trouble of finding an apartment she could rent out. For the time that she stayed with me, I’d still do all the things I did for her. Nothing had changed. I’d still wake up to her in the morning. I’d still serve her breakfast in bed and I’d still tell her I loved her… maybe deep down inside I still did… maybe I was still attached to her. I didn’t know…

Three months had passed quickly since that incident. I had received a considerable raise at work. My company had given me an opportunity to work abroad and paid for my lodging and other expenses as well. I shared this with her and she seemed excited. Soon enough, I asked her to come see me. She agreed. I booked her flight tickets. By now, our arguments had ceased and she acted more responsibly towards me. Perhaps it was a sense of guilt that made her change. She began showing a bit more affection than before. For the first time after almost a year she told me she loved me and she was sorry for what she did. It made me happy. I told her if she was ready we’d even get married here and start anew. She packed her bags and boarded the plane. When she got off the plane, she called me to come pick her up. My phone was switched off. When she finally got through me, she realized that she was in a different country. All the money from our joint account was pulled out and she had no means of getting back home. I had already sold the house that we were living in together and had bought another place in another location. Even if she returned, there would be nothing left for her to go back to. I changed my number and never spoke to her again.

I think I understand relationships a lot better now…